There are so many emotions flying through my head right now that I have to warn you this blog could get a bit mushy and decidedly "stream of consciousness." Enter at your own risk.
First, I can't begin to express how grateful I am for all of the love, support, and prayers that have been showered on us this whole pregnancy but also today. It feels like the whole world is praying for us! There have been moments of tearfulness both from joy and from fear, but the overwhelming feeling has been peace. Miraculous peace. The Lord has provided so many people who have given us the perfect information at the perfect time. Friends and family who have either walked this road or walk it often as a professional and know what to warn us about. Also, he's placed many friends of friends in our paths supeople any of the people who will be working directly with our babies in the NICU! What a blessing to know that these people know and love Him, trust His miraculous hand, and also care especially for our girls! It's amazing. Not to mention that Dr Schneider called tonight from his family vacation to check on me. He called me "trouble" but I'll forgive him.
Just to document our hospital experience so far a little bit...it's been interesting. Having never been hospitalized before I wasn't quite sure what to expect. The whole thing feels pretty surreal...like this only happens to other people and on TV..not to us! But here we are. The nurses have been great! One even snuck me a chocolate covered cherry from the break room! She secured her position as my favorite :). The things that have been less pleasant have been the IV site that has been unused since yesterday afternoon. It stings and it makes me nervous when anyone gets near it because I'm afraid of it getting jammed in there or ripped out or something. But fortunately none of that has happened yet. Also, the babies' heart rates are being constantly monitored which is fun to hear and see...but it means that I have to lay on my back and relatively still for the monitors to stay where the babies are. Let me tell you, these girls are hyper! If they change positions, a nurse has to come in and it takes a good 20-30 minutes to find the culprit again and get the monitor to pick up her heart rate consistently. So, that ultimately means that my rear end is really really sore from laying on it for over 24 hours straight. It really makes me feel sorry for elderly people who are in nursing home beds all the time. You'd think that laying down would be easy...no way!
Then there's the fact that apparently steroids make me have hot flashes. Consequently, everyone else in the room is wearing coats and are wrapped in blankets while I have a fan on me. The Magnesium Sulfate is supposed to do the same thing to me but a little worse...poor Jonathan asked mom and dad to bring him our outdoor cold weather sleeping bag just so that he can sleep warmly tonight. He's been such a trooper. He jumps to get whatever I need and anticipates many needs I don't even know I have. He's such a blessing. And he's going to be an amazing father to these girls. They already calm down at his voice.
The idea that tomorrow we will have daughters is an incomprehensible thing. I know we have daughters now, boy do I feel them....but there's still something that doesn't feel real about it. I mean really, I'm sitting here listening to their heartbeats and feeling them kick me but still there's a part of me that hasn't come to terms with the fact that this is really happening. I'm really laying in a hospital bed and I'm really going to have babies tomorrow and they're really going to be tiny and possibly sick and we're really going to do this thing! Jonathan mentioned tonight how strange it will be to be post-c-section tomorrow together and not have the girls with us. It will be at least an hour before he's able to go see them (they'll probably have to be intubated and and get they're umbilical IVs put in and who knows what else and that will take a while to stabilize them) and then I may not even get to see them until the next day depending on how I feel. I really hope that I get to see them for more than a glimpse in the OR tomorrow. But, if being whisked away is the safest thing for them by all means whisk them away! Kind of like this magnesium sulfate IV. It's supposed to be pretty uncomfortable for me but will help the mylen in their little brains to grow which will reduce the risk of cerebral palsy. I would cut off my own leg to give them a better chance, so a little discomfort (like injecting Lovenox every night, like steroid shots, like mag sulfate) is nothing.
My prayer is that tomorrow will end with two babies breathing oxygen and with positive outlooks from the doctors. Their heart rates have been so good that every nurse and every doctor that sees them says they look very very good. I love hearing that about my daughters....it begins I guess. The fact that the rates are going up and down in reaction to outside stimulus is a sign of maturity. They're so mature :) The perfect example of that is that twice now Penny's heart rate, and Lydia's too tonight, went really high (almost 200 bpm) and the nurse came in concerned. So we decided we would try playing Mozart for them to see if it would calm them down. It was amazing. They calmed right down!!!! It's been twice now! All the nurses were amazed! I guess I'll be hearing LOTS of Mozart in the years to come. Our little musicians hearts like it.
My little musicians heart needs to go to sleep. I'll be woken up in an hour to be catheterized and start the magnesium. This should be a new experience. So many more to come. Here we go!
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